Let it Go
by GirlyGeek
Summary: The Archdemon has been slain. Now is the time for Alistair and his beloved mage to have some much-needed alone time.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything pertaining to the Dragon Age franchise...unfortunately.

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**Let it Go**

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_…Denerim Palace; two days after the Blight's end…_

In one of the many guestrooms in the palace, Alona Amell gazed up at the canopy of the large, four-poster bed. Everything seemed so surreal. She could hardly believe that it had all happened even though she had lived every single moment of it.

Alona had never once in her life asked for anything. Not _once_.

She had learned at a very young age that asking for things brought you to the attention of others, and in the Circle, the _others_ in question were always Templars. Having the attention of the Templars was a _bad _thing. _Any _mage would say that. As she grew from a child and into a woman, Alona had seen her fair share of Templars who had abused their power over their charges-Templars who would force themselves on young mages or even the Tranquil. Not _all_ Templars behaved so horribly, but Alona had seen enough girls sobbing in their bunks with ripped robes and disheveled hair to know that not all Templars were the guardians they were supposed to be.

_That_ was why Alona had always taken such pains to remain unseen...to be invisible. Often called a shrinking violet by her peers, she rarely spoke to anyone outside of her teachers and her friends, and even so...she only had two real friends through her entire life in the Circle-Jowan and Anders. She never stopped wondering what became of them. Were they still even alive? Anders had been in solitary confinement at the time of Uldred's uprising, but when Alona had snuck into the dungeons after the Blood Mage's defeat, she had found to trace of her friend.

Anywhere.

Anders…

The blond, restless mage had made no secret of his hatred of the Circle. Alona had tried appealing to him on several occasions to find some semblance of peace. She had been terrified that after all Anders' escape attempts that the Templars would make him Tranquil, but her friend would never heed her words. He wanted _more_ than what the Circle would allow him to have. Anders wanted everything that had ever been taken from him. He wanted his freedom back, but more than that, Anders had wanted _love_. He wanted the ability and the freedom to find someone…_anyone_ to love openly without fear of having the Templars use it against him.

Love…

Like her friend, Alona _too _longed for love, but that had been something she had to avoid as well. The less honorable Templars used love against the mages as well-using the life of a mage's lover as leverage in order to get what they wanted. Alona had taken great pains to keep her heart cold and out of reach to others. After all, asking to be loved was asking for trouble.

Her every action and emotion was always restrained so as not to attract attention. She never had outbursts of anger, and she never had fits of melancholy. Her smiles were always small, and her laughter soft. Even her vivid, scarlet hair was controlled-pulled back tightly away from her face and secured at the base of her skull by two, large, braided buns. Captive within the Circle as she was, Alona was still in control of everything in her own life. She had a tight rein on everything in order to keep herself invisible to the Templars. Even her powers were controlled.

Alona had always held back in her spell casting—only ever using just enough magic to complete a spell without any pomp or circumstance. It was not that she was ashamed of being a mage, or that she hated having magic flowing within her veins. Quite the contrary in fact. Alona viewed her magic as a gift, and she reveled in the power of it flowing through her. But mages who displayed great power and prowess were watched even closer by the Templars, so Alona took great pains to never allow the full force of her magic to be seen.

That was how Alona lived her life.

That practice began wavering however when Alona met Cullen. With his warm eyes, gentle smile, and nervous stutter that only seemed to surface when he spoke to _her_...he was one of the three people in the Circle Alona had truly let her guard down around. She simply could not help herself. As foolish and as dangerous she knew it would be to let herself become vulnerable around Cullen, she simply could not ignore the way he looked at her when he thought she was not looking-gazing at her from afar with a quiet longing that made Alona's own heart ache.

Many was the night in which Alona had dreamt of the sweet, handsome Templar. So many of her dreams had been filled with the two of them being together. Usually, they were in the library—Cullen pinning her against a wall in a dark corner after curfew and driving into her with deep, possessive strokes. But some nights, they were in the chapel—making love slowly and gently as the light of the candles washed over their naked, intertwined bodies. They were such vivid dreams, and they always left Alona wanting more when she awoke, but she always pushed those desires down. Unfortunately, they always seemed to bubble up whenever Alona saw Cullen.

Longing for a Templar...it was Alona's _one_ act of rebellion. Allowing herself to have feelings for Cullen was the _one_ time Alona had allowed herself to let go...to loosen the death grip she had upon the reins of her heart and emotions. It was the _one_ time Alona had allowed her control to waver…

Until the night she aided Jowan in escaping the Circle...and then _everything _in Alona's life changed. She had thought she was simply helping a friend escape his fate of Tranquility. The Blood Magic had been a nasty surprise, and Alona's punishment for aiding a Blood Mage escape would have been quite severe indeed. Just when she was about to be punished for helping her friend, Duncan had conscripted her into the Grey Wardens, and Alona's entire life changed forever.

Propping herself up on her elbow, Alona smiled lovingly down at Alistair as he slept peacefully beside her, and she knew her life had changed for the better on that fateful day. It was a dangerous life to be sure. Darkspawn were not to be trifled with. But in this new life, Alona was finally _free_...

Free from the Circle...

Free from the Templars...

Free to finally let go.

For the rest of her life, Alona would _never_ forget how it felt in the Kokari Wilds when she, Alistair, and the other two Warden recruits were hunting Darkspawn for their blood...when she had used her _full_ power for the first time in her life. Alona still remembered the unadulterated exhilaration she had felt as she stood amongst the Darkspawn corpses-how the air around her thrummed and crackled with power that up until that moment had been untapped as she threw her head back with a cry of elation. She no longer had to hide her power. She was no longer feared because of it. Rather…

People now _depended_ upon her to use it.

People looked to Alona now as a leader...as a _hero_. As the Hero of Ferelden, she was now _truly _free to be who she was. She was free to _love_ and be loved in return, and there was nothing the Templars could do about it. The Templars no longer held dominion over her.

Well... perhaps the failed Templar sleeping beside her was the exception to that.

Alona's smile grew as she took in the sight of the handsome face she so loved. Having let go of the reins upon her heart once she left the Circle, she had left herself open and free to love Alistair…and she _had_ fallen for him hard and fast. That did not mean things had not been awkward between them at first.

Both were completely inexperienced when it came to matters of 'courting' and being physically intimate with another. Alistair's early compliments were clumsy, and Alona-not being accustomed to receiving compliments-was not always sure in how to respond. Alona ranged from being very direct in how she complimented and spoke to Alistair to being very demure, and Alistair often used humor to cover up his nervousness or spoke in riddles.

Licking a lamppost in winter, indeed!

Alona giggled softly at that particular memory, and her smile never wavered. For all their shared awkwardness and the daily obstacles that were thrown at them, she and Alistair _had_ managed to fall deeply in love, and every time they had made love since their very first time, it only served to further cement the deep bond they shared.

Not even Morrigan's dark ritual could tear them asunder.

Alona's smile faltered around the edges as she recalled that night...and how the thought of Alistair entwined with Morrigan had felt like a dagger in her heart. Even though _she_ had been the one to urge Alistair into sleeping with and impregnating Morrigan, she had spent the entire time curled up on the floor of her room in front of the fire-weeping the tears that, she had allowed herself to shed only once before...

That day in Redcliffe when the Templars had taken Jowan away.

That had been how Alistair had found her when the deed had been done. He never once said a word. Neither of them did. Alistair simply closed the distance between Alona and himself, and got down on the floor with her before draping an arm over her and hugging her tightly from behind as he wept silently into her soft, crimson hair. The both of them simply knew that no amount of words could repair the heartache they both felt at that moment as they mourned the loss of their love's innocence together. They did not even make love that night. It simply would have felt wrong to do so. All they could do was hold each other and reaffirm their bond through close, physical proximity and shared tears.

Though Alona had done it out of love...encouraged Alistair into bedding Morrigan out of love, the pain of it was as sharp as any blade. But that pain had been worth it in the end. Those moments of 'infidelity' _had_ in fact worked.

The Archdemon was now dead, and _both_ she and Alistair were alive.

They would have to start rebuilding the Wardens in Ferelden. Now that the Blight was over, they could await aid from Orlais. Since neither Alona nor Alistair knew just_ how_ to prepare the Joining, they would require the assistance of a more experienced Warden. But until that assistance arrived, Alona and Alistair were free to let go of the stresses and anxieties that had been pressing upon them during the Blight, and simply be with each other.

Alona still could not believe Alistair had turned his back on the throne-how he had protested so vehemently against the idea of taking on his half-brother's crown. He had been so very relieved when Alona declared that Anora would rule as queen, but now... now Alona wondered if she had made the right decision. Alistair _was_ the last of Maric's bloodline, after all. Had Alona made a mistake in allowing her beloved to walk away?

"You're staring at me again, aren't you?"

Alona giggled softly. "Am I _that_ predictable?"

Alistair smiled and opened his eyes. "In _this_ instance, yes."

Alona smiled and a light blush colored her cheeks. "I can't help myself…I simply _love_ looking at you." She lightly traced her fingertips over Alistair's cheek. "You're what I _always_ wanted…and I can't believe I actually have you."

Alistair turned his head just enough to brush a kiss to Alona's long, graceful fingers. "And _you_ are everything _I_ always wanted. The beauty of your heart matches that of your face, and I can't believe you would _ever_ choose a bumbler idiot like me," he murmured in awe.

"You're _not_ an idiot," Alona replied firmly before smiling. "And you're cute when you bumble."

Alistair smiled widely. "Well then, if _you _say it, it _must _be true." He closed his eyes and stretched—taking care with Alona's close proximity. "After all those nights of sleeping on the hard ground, sleeping in a grand bed like this has been wonderful. I will miss it when we leave for Amaranthine tomorrow. We should make sure to have plenty of comfortable beds for the new Wardens once we've gotten our fortress in Amaranthine ready…and we'll _have _to ensure that _we_ have a large bed in _our_ room, though of course, the sheets won't be nearly as nice as these. I don't even want to think about what sheets like these cost..." He paused when he glanced up at his lover to see she was staring absently at the sheets, and he raised a hand to lovingly cupped Alona's cheek. "You look deep in thought."

Alona nervously bit her bottom lip.

"What is it, my dear?" Alistair asked softly. "You know that you can tell me _anything_."

"I know, beloved," Alona replied softly before suddenly blurting out, "Do you have any regrets?"

Alistair blinked then chuckled softly. "Well, I _did_ just wake up, but give me a couple hours and I'm sure I'll make a mistake or two that I'll regret later."

Alona sighed. "That's not what I meant," she said before nervously biting her bottom lip again. "What I meant was...do you regret _not_ taking the throne? I mean…I _know _you kept saying that you didn't want it in the first place, but…have you regretted that decision at all within these past few days?" she asked softly-suddenly afraid of the answer.

Alistair's face became all seriousness as he looked deeply into Alona's vibrant, green eyes. "My love, no doubt I will come to regret _many_ things during the rest of my life, but choosing _you_, Alona Amell, over the throne will _never_ be one of them."

Alona blinked. "Choosing me _over_ the throne?" she asked softly.

Alistair gave a small nod. "If I _had_ taken the throne, I would've been forced to give you up in favor of a bride who didn't have magic coursing through her veins. Arl Eamon might've even insisted that I marry Anora...in order to produce a proper heir while keeping the favored Queen on the throne…never mind the fact that with the Taint in my blood, conceiving an heir would be extremely difficult if not impossible, so both of our hearts would have been destroyed for _nothing_." He sighed softly. "I couldn't do that to you...I couldn't do that to myself. I couldn't do that to _you_." He gently tucked a lock of crimson hair behind Alona's ear. "Perhaps it was selfish of me to put _my_ needs and wants before that of Ferelden, but I couldn't bear the thought of not waking up to you every morning…of not seeing your angelic face surrounded by your sleep-disheveled hair. I couldn't stand the thought of _not_ falling asleep with _you_ in my arms," he added while wrapping his arms around Alona and holding her close. "You fit against me so perfectly…you _complete_ me, not just in body but in soul as well. No one _else_ ever will. So, _no_…I will _never_ regret my decision."

Alona's eyes misted. "Oh, Alistair…" she whispered before nestling into her beloved.

"I know that what you had me do with Morrigan served its purpose," Alistair said in a soft, careful voice. "But that's behind us now. It _had_ to happen, but now that it's over and done with, I want to share my bed and my body with no one else but _you_." He kissed Alona fervently. "I only wish I could _marry_ you…" he whispered against Alona's lips. "But it's known by _all_ of that you're a mage…no Chantry outside of Tervinter will marry us…not even in light of all the good you've done for Thedas."

Alona kissed Alistair earnestly. "I don't _need_ a wedding, my darling," she whispered emphatically. "I _know_ that you are mine and that I am yours. I don't need some Mother telling me what I already know."

Alistair rested his forehead against his beloved's while continuing to gaze deeply into her eyes. "Alona Amell, I pledge to love you and be faithful to you for however many years I have left in this world…and if I make it to the full thirty years allowed to me by the Taint, then I will consider myself a _truly_ blessed man, and I will answer my Calling with a heart filled with love, and a mind filled with the memories of our life together."

Alona sniffled softly before setting her jaw to keep herself from weeping outright. "Alistair Therin, I pledge to love you and be ever faithful to you for the rest of my life…and if I am still alive when you answer your Calling, I _will_ go with you so we can answer it together."

Alistair's breath caught in his throat a little. "Truly? You would do that, my dear?"

Alona nodded. "You were a Warden only six months longer than I…which means my Calling won't be long after yours. Why not face it together?"

Alistair was silent for several moments before her slowly let out a breath. "Maker…just when I thought I couldn't possibly love you more than I already do…" His hazel eyes were alight with love as he smiled warmly at Alona. "Maker's breath, Alona…you are _truly_ a gift from the Maker Himself, and I adore you." He kissed her softly. "I _worship_ you, and I _will_ treasure _every_ moment we share together." He kissed her again and gently tangled his fingers into his beloved's long, crimson hair. "Your hair is so beautiful, my dear," he murmured against Alona's lips once the kiss broke. "You really should wear it down more often."

"If that's what you want, my love," Alona whispered before softly kissing Alistair again. "You should know by now that I would do anything for you."

"And _I_ would do anything for _you_, my dear," Alistair murmured fervently. "All you need to do is ask, and if it is within my power, I _will_ see it done."

Alona smiled and her eyes glimmered impishly. "Make love to me," she whispered.

Alistair grinned and rubbed his nose against his beloved's as a soft growl rumbled in his throat. "What can I say? Your wish is my command," he murmured before capturing Alona's soft lips in a long, searching kiss as he slowly shifted and rolled so he was gently pinning her beneath him.

The kiss became more heated, and Alona shivered in delight before whimpering softly in longing as Alistair's hardening length brushed against her inner thigh-her legs spreading of their own volition. Wetness already pooled between her legs as Alona lightly dragged her nails down Alistair's back, and she gasped softly as Alistair broke the kiss in favor of gently nipping a trail down her throat. She combed her fingers through his short, golden hair then cradled his head with a pleasured gasp as her left nipple came under the delicious assault of Alistair's mouth-his tongue and teeth lavishing attention upon it until it became a hard peak.

Alistair moaned in delight as Alona's long fingers grazed over his scalp and as he kissed and gently nipped his way over to his beloved's right breast, he shuddered hard as the head of his throbbing length brushed against the molten heat of Alona's core. He felt a few drops of his seed escape in anticipation, and he lovingly nipped the sensitive patch of skin just under Alona's right breast before raising his head from his lover's perfect mounds in favor of gazing deeply into her eyes. "Look at me," he entreated. "Look into my eyes and know that _you_ are _all_ that matters to me."

Alistair had said something similar to that every time he and Alona had made love since the Archdemon's defeat. It was his own, personal way of reaffirming their connection on more than a physical level, and it always brought a tear to Alona's eye.

Smiling even as she trembled with residual shivers of delight from Alistair's nip, Alona's eyes glistened with tears and love as she gazed up into her beloved's warm, earnest eyes. "There is no doubt in my mind about that," she murmured while sliding her hands down to lovingly cup Alistair's handsome face.

They held each other's gazes all the while Alistair pushed into her, and once he was fully encased within Alona, their lips met eagerly in a deep, searching kiss as the mage wrapped her long legs around him. Alistair's thrusts were long and languid as his tongue danced a slow minuet with Alona's-his pleasured moans forming a uniquely beautiful harmony with hers.

Alistair was in no hurry.

The Blight was over.

There were no longer any demands upon them. They were no longer in a camp where each tent was a hair's breath away from the other. There was no need for the two of them to rush for fear of a Darkspawn attack. More importantly, Alistair actually _loved_ the woman with which he was so intimately intertwined. Breaking the kiss slowly, he lightly rubbed his nose against Alona's before resting his forehead against hers and simply gazing into her eyes with a loving smile as he made love to her.

Nothing at all like it had been with Morrigan...

Alistair had not even been able to _look_ at the raven-haired Apostate during the entirety of their brief encounter...and it _had_ been brief. He had kept his eyes closed the entire time Morrigan had coaxed him into arousal-all the while trying to imagine it was Alona's mouth and fingers moving over him. But his efforts had been in vain. Morrigan's touch was nothing like his beloved's—never mind the fact that he felt nothing but strong, genuine dislike for the woman-and it had taken all of Alistair's self-control _not_ to vomit in self-revulsion. In the end, it had been the reality of the ritual and what it entailed that gave Alistair the ability to follow through.

He could _not_ allow Alona to die.

It was _that_ truth that had prompted Alistair to push Morrigan onto her hands and knees and take her quickly from behind-wanting the entire ordeal to be over as quickly as possible. Once he had finished, he had hastily donned his smallclothes and trousers before snatching up the rest of his clothing and leaving the room without so much as a word-not once meeting Morrigan's gaze. All Alistair had wanted was find comfort in Alona's arms...

But upon finding his beloved weeping on the floor, Alistair knew he was not the only one in need of comfort and reassurance.

It had been a horrible night for the both of them.

But it could no longer touch them.

Alistair kissed Alona's lips tenderly and slid his arms under her back to press her close as he rolled onto his back so she was now on top of him. "Maker...but you're _beautiful_..." he murmured in awe with a smile as Alona sat up and began to slowly ride him.

Alona smiled as she gazed down at Alistair through half-lidded eyes. "You said during our very first night together," she purred with an underlying whimper of pleasure as her inner walls squeezed Alistair within her.

Alistair groaned and his eyes rolled into the back of his head with delight before fluttering closed. "Maker..." His hands found Alona's hips and gripped them firmly as his eyes slowly opened. "I meant it _then_ just as I mean it _now,_" he said fervently. "_You_, Alona Amell, are _glorious_."

Alona leaned down and whimpered at the change of angle as she kissed Alistair heatedly. "And I am _yours_, my love," she murmured against her beloved's lips.

"As I am _yours_," Alistair replied pointedly in a husky voice as he hardened his thrusts just a little bit. A small, impish grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. "You know…there's no need for us to be quiet anymore, my dear," he growled softly while slowly shifting and pushing himself up so he was in a seated position. He groaned deeply at the change of angle the new position brought, and he could tell by the way Alona's back arched as a wanton cry escaped her that she enjoyed it as much as he. "You can let go and be as loud as you want…" He trailed light, nipping kisses along Alona's collar bone.

Alona's heart raced and she shivered a bit. "Is that…what you…want?" she asked huskily before nibbling along the shell of Alistair's ear—her breathing becoming frantic as her beloved drove her ever closer to that moment of complete and total euphoria.

"I must admit…" His arms were tight around Alona now, and they held her down firmly against his thrusts as his breath began coming in ragged gasps. "I find the…idea of you…screaming…my name in…in ecstasy…to be quite…_thrilling_." He smiled against Alona's lips before kissing them hungrily, and he could feel his release coiling tightly within him like a viper waiting to strike.

Alona dug her nails into Alistair's shoulders and bit her bottom lip with a frantic whimper—having difficulty letting go of this last measure of control.

Alistair leaned in and nuzzled Alona's earlobe. "Let go, my dear," he whispered huskies as he shifted and eased Alona down onto her back once more. "Let it go...!" His thrusts became harder and faster as his lover wrapped her arms and legs around him once more.

Alona did not disappoint. Her back arched hard as her orgasm ripped through her, and small items in the room levitated and spun wildly before crashing to the floor as a euphoric scream of Alistair's name was ripped from her throat. The waves of pleasure threatened to drown her as Alistair thrust wildly into her with a roar of her name as he emptied his seed into Alona's waiting womb.

Alistair did not stop thrusting until Alona's inner walls had milked him dry, and when he had finished, he claimed his lover's lips in a long, tender kiss. When he began shifting to roll them onto their sides, he found his movements stayed by Alona, and he looked at her with a questioning in his eyes.

"Don't move," Alona entreated softly. "Not yet..."

Smiling, Alistair affectionately rubbed his nose against Alona's. "I don't want to crush you," he murmured before blinking in mild surprise and then chuckling softly when Alona responded by tightening her arms and legs around him.

"I don't care if you do," Alona replied.

"Well _I_ would," Alistair replied with a playful growl while he lightly tickled Alona's sides—laughing softly when she giggled and squirmed. He relented when his beloved unwrapped her arms and legs from his person, and then rolled them both onto their sides. "That's not so bad, now is it?" he asked softly with a smile.

"I suppose not," Alona replied with only a small pout as she tangled her legs with Alistair's.

"Well…_that_ was certainly different," Alistair said with a soft chuckle as he raised his head to survey the 'damage' around the room. "You don't think Anora will make us pay for all that do you?" he asked before chuckling again.

Alona smiled sheepishly. "I've never lost control like that before…I suppose I was more pent up than I realized." She nervously bit her bottom lip. "It wasn't too much, was it?" she asked worriedly. "It didn't put you off, did it?"

Alistair's smile was warm as he shook his head. "Not at all," he murmured before kissing Alona tenderly. "I loved it. Though…we might not want to be around anything breakable the next time," he added with a playful wink.

Alona giggled softly. "Point taken, my knight." She leaned in and kissed him tenderly. "I love you."

Smiling, Alistair laced his rough, calloused fingers through Alona's long, graceful ones. "And I love _you_," he murmured. "Now then...now that we've worked up an appetite, shall we dress and go down to breakfast?"

This time, it was Alona's smile that was all impishness. "I say…we call to have breakfast sent _up_ to us, because I am by no means done with you yet, my knight," she purred before slowly brushing her tongue over one of her beloved's flat nipples.

Though he grinned and shuddered with delight, Alistair's cheeks still blushed just a bit as he shifted and reached across Alona so he could give a small tug to the bell pull beside the bed. "Now that you mention it...there _was_ some advice from Zevran that I wanted to put to the test..."

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**A/N:** If you're a fan of Dragon Age as well as of my writing, _please_ check out my newly-published novel, _Dragon Guardian: Fire_, the first novel in my Dragon Guardian series. The link for the website can be found on my profile page!


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